Does the mazal we are assigned have anything to do with our behavior, the family we live in, our origins How do we know if it's the right one? The answers & advice from Rina.
"Well, you say YES!" - Elie Kakou

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Fréquence Juive Magazine

If there is something important in the life of a Jew, it is marriage. Since birth, Jewish mothers tell their Jewish mothers have been saying to their children: "May G-d make you meet a gentle, beautiful and kind woman, and above all, a good Jewish woman at the top of her game! Who will marry my son?"
Does the mazal we are assigned have anything to do with our behavior, the family we live in, our origins How do we know if it's the right one? The answers & advice from Rina.
"Well, you say YES!" - Elie Kakou

If there is something important in the life of a Jew, it is marriage. Since birth, Jewish mothers tell their Jewish mothers have been saying to their children: "May G-d make you meet a gentle, beautiful and kind woman, and above all, a good Jewish woman at the top of her game! Who will marry my son?"
Does the mazal we are assigned have anything to do with our behavior, the family we live in, our origins How do we know if it's the right one? The answers & advice from Rina.
"Well, you say YES!" - Elie Kakou



Before the meeting

Making contact



At first, it is the shadshan* which transmits information from one to the other. of our days, the references required for each are the subject of a real curriculum vitae. In general, she asks each partner to describe what he/she does for a living, where he/she studies, where he/she comes from, his family, his friends, his associates. This approach is the sine qua non for success of a shidduch. This step eliminates any possible failure at the time of the meeting. The expectations of each must correspond, in outline, before the meeting. The chadhanit occurs when making contact, making the first appointment, and can also remain present to guide the couple towards the right decision, during at least the next four or five appointments, if this is necessary.

A Shiddukh* is a connection.

Before the meeting

Making contact



At first, it is the shadshan* which transmits information from one to the other. of our days, the references required for each are the subject of a real curriculum vitae. In general, she asks each partner to describe what he/she does for a living, where he/she studies, where he/she comes from, his family, his friends, his associates. This approach is the sine qua non for success of a shidduch. This step eliminates any possible failure at the time of the meeting. The expectations of each must correspond, in outline, before the meeting. The chadhanit occurs when making contact, making the first appointment, and can also remain present to guide the couple towards the right decision, during at least the next four or five appointments, if this is necessary.

A Shiddukh* is a connection.



Hashem created the world, then the Shidduchim - connections - between human beings but not only for weddings. Hashem also created their business relationships, including those between sellers and buyers, between a doctor and his patients, for example. This is also called a shidduch.

The importance of prayer and segulot



It is essential to pray all the time to obtain good zivug*. It is so important! Changing jobs, changing homes, it's ok, it's coming! But to change a wife or find a husband, it's for life. On the other hand, praying for another celibate represents a great segoula*. The one who prays for his neighbor when he himself has the same need, is granted first.

Sweep away non-constructive demands in love



Often, we fixate on the perfect image of the ideal partner. Does this mean that our mazal* will be exactly as we had imagined? Well no ! In our thoughts we can do anything imagine, while it would be possible for us to close our eyes to a few character traits or faults who grieve us, and be very happy as a couple.

Three selection criteria



We must think that if the partner fulfills the three primordial conditions of our choice, we can then consider that it is the right match. However, despite these three criteria, we are never sure we have found the right person, until the day of the wedding. It sometimes happens that of women, one month before the wedding, change their minds and break their relationship, because of doubts, the worry and uncertainty they feel.

Yes to advice, but only from experienced people.



Should we get advice before the meeting? By who ? Can this influence our choice? Yes in the most cases. Young people should listen to the advice of older or already married people.

Love in Hebrew is Ahava, it is giving. The more we give, the more we love.

D-Day



The first impression… the right one?



Before the first meeting, the preparations have a major role, as for the choice of the bachelor: hygiene, clothing, appearance, everything counts. For the first ten minutes, that's what the two people will save each other, for life.
Others will tell you that the first impression is never the right one. It is obvious that the man and the woman must be physically attracted to each other; it is essential and very important for them to have children. But sometimes, they surround themselves with a shell. The anxiety they feel creates in them a personality different from the one they really have. On the first date, the person opposite is not so natural.


Hashem created the world, then the Shidduchim - connections - between human beings but not only for weddings. Hashem also created their business relationships, including those between sellers and buyers, between a doctor and his patients, for example. This is also called a shidduch.

The importance of prayer and segulot



It is essential to pray all the time to obtain good zivug*. It is so important! Changing jobs, changing homes, it's ok, it's coming! But to change a wife or find a husband, it's for life. On the other hand, praying for another celibate represents a great segoula*. The one who prays for his neighbor when he himself has the same need, is granted first.

Sweep away non-constructive demands in love



Often, we fixate on the perfect image of the ideal partner. Does this mean that our mazal* will be exactly as we had imagined? Well no ! In our thoughts we can do anything imagine, while it would be possible for us to close our eyes to a few character traits or faults who grieve us, and be very happy as a couple.

Three selection criteria



We must think that if the partner fulfills the three primordial conditions of our choice, we can then consider that it is the right match. However, despite these three criteria, we are never sure we have found the right person, until the day of the wedding. It sometimes happens that of women, one month before the wedding, change their minds and break their relationship, because of doubts, the worry and uncertainty they feel.

Yes to advice, but only from experienced people.



Should we get advice before the meeting? By who ? Can this influence our choice? Yes in the most cases. Young people should listen to the advice of older or already married people.

Love in Hebrew is Ahava, it is giving. The more we give, the more we love.

D-Day



The first impression… the right one?



Before the first meeting, the preparations have a major role, as for the choice of the bachelor: hygiene, clothing, appearance, everything counts. For the first ten minutes, that's what the two people will save each other, for life.
Others will tell you that the first impression is never the right one. It is obvious that the man and the woman must be physically attracted to each other; it is essential and very important for them to have children. But sometimes, they surround themselves with a shell. The anxiety they feel creates in them a personality different from the one they really have. On the first date, the person opposite is not so natural.

Segoulot to find your mazal :
- Pay the expenses of needy newlyweds (dress, event, financial assistance to start, etc ...)
- Recite psalm 121 with fervor every day.
- Read Psalm 72 on the day of Tubeav (Av 15) - feast of lovers - day conducive to prayers for ask Hashem to make us quickly meet our destiny.
Segoulot to find your mazal :
- Pay the expenses of needy newlyweds (dress, event, financial assistance to start, etc ...)
- Recite psalm 121 with fervor every day.
- Read Psalm 72 on the day of Tubeav (Av 15) - feast of lovers - day conducive to prayers for ask Hashem to make us quickly meet our destiny.




This is why in doubt, except in the case of repulsion, it would be wise to give the shidduch a second chance, by arranging another meeting.
Finally, the goal being to find a shoe that fits, you have to remain natural, while reflecting the image closest to the ideal that one has of oneself. Tip: get to know each other well before you want to get married :)

Don't count on radical change



What if we don't like him/her? If he is small, if she is nervous, if he is miserly, if his vision is too negative… In the short term, these character traits or physical details cannot radically change. In the long term, a woman can work on some improvements in moral character or body of her husband, and vice versa. But, this only acts on minimal facets of this person.

When a girl meets a boy, she should know three things:

KISSO: His purse - his Money - How he behaves with money
KOSSO: His glass - How it behaves towards alcohol
KASSO: His anger - How he behaves when he is angry


Knowing if it's the right one



We do not really decide who is the right zivug, and besides, no one has this real power of union perfect, except the One who has so decided. The only clue that could, from the outset, make us lean towards yes, would be to answer “yes” to the following question: “Do I want to see this nobody ? »

The challenge



Often, there is a very big social, financial, religious difference and sometimes, an age gap too important between the two partners. Most of the time, these incompatibilities directly interfere in the choice of the partner, hence the interest, beforehand, of making contact before the appointment. Of course, it all depends on each case - couples 10 years apart can get along very well! The degree of religiosity also acts on the good understanding of the couple and the education they will give. then to their children. A tzaddika woman* who marries a redemption, can make her husband a tzaddik* - not obvious the other way around. Some even agree to a deal before the wedding. most important is to accept each other before signing the ketubah.

"Before finding our mazal, we are all on the same level"

Commitment is on the ketubah



“At first sight, it was love at first sight! … then he got down on his knees, and we engaged. The thunderbolt in the Torah does not mean much, since it is a spark. One cannot build a life essentially based on a spark. What does the act of commitment, it is the signature of the ketubah*. Engagement isn't really what matters Torah level.
This is why in doubt, except in the case of repulsion, it would be wise to give the shidduch a second chance, by arranging another meeting.
Finally, the goal being to find a shoe that fits, you have to remain natural, while reflecting the image closest to the ideal that one has of oneself. Tip: get to know each other well before you want to get married :)

Don't count on radical change



What if we don't like him/her? If he is small, if she is nervous, if he is miserly, if his vision is too negative… In the short term, these character traits or physical details cannot radically change. In the long term, a woman can work on some improvements in moral character or body of her husband, and vice versa. But, this only acts on minimal facets of this person.

When a girl meets a boy, she should know three things:

KISSO: His purse - his Money - How he behaves with money
KOSSO: His glass - How it behaves towards alcohol
KASSO: His anger - How he behaves when he is angry


Knowing if it's the right one



We do not really decide who is the right zivug, and besides, no one has this real power of union perfect, except the One who has so decided. The only clue that could, from the outset, make us lean towards yes, would be to answer “yes” to the following question: “Do I want to see this nobody ? »

The challenge



Often, there is a very big social, financial, religious difference and sometimes, an age gap too important between the two partners. Most of the time, these incompatibilities directly interfere in the choice of the partner, hence the interest, beforehand, of making contact before the appointment. Of course, it all depends on each case - couples 10 years apart can get along very well! The degree of religiosity also acts on the good understanding of the couple and the education they will give. then to their children. A tzaddika woman* who marries a redemption, can make her husband a tzaddik* - not obvious the other way around. Some even agree to a deal before the wedding. most important is to accept each other before signing the ketubah.

"Before finding our mazal, we are all on the same level"

Commitment is on the ketubah



“At first sight, it was love at first sight! … then he got down on his knees, and we engaged. The thunderbolt in the Torah does not mean much, since it is a spark. One cannot build a life essentially based on a spark. What does the act of commitment, it is the signature of the ketubah*. Engagement isn't really what matters Torah level.

What matters is how the marriage grows, day by day. The more you give, the more you receive!

Rina Baubot

Glossary: ​​

* Sidduch: meeting between two people with a view to getting married.
* Shadshanit : person responsible for finding the two people who will match and organize their meeting.
* Segula / segulot: action - often a prayer - recommended having an irrational capacity to protection going in the direction you want, without any mystical or superstitious character.
* Tsaddik/ tzaddika: exceptionally good and just person.
* Mazal: luck / star / destiny of a person. Literally flow, flow.
* Zivug: soul mate.

.
What matters is how the marriage grows, day by day. The more you give, the more you receive!

Rina Baubot

Glossary: ​​

* Sidduch: meeting between two people with a view to getting married.
* Shadshanit : person responsible for finding the two people who will match and organize their meeting.
* Segula / segulot: action - often a prayer - recommended having an irrational capacity to protection going in the direction you want, without any mystical or superstitious character.
* Tsaddik/ tzaddika: exceptionally good and just person.
* Mazal: luck / star / destiny of a person. Literally flow, flow.
* Zivug: soul mate.

.

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